Tags
Being Gay, COVID-19, Faith, Gratitude, Growing up gay, Marathon training and running, Middle Age, Pandemic, Poetry, Quakerism, Self-care, Self-esteem, Tennis
My family and I went for a four-mile walk in our neighborhood in Hawaii. It’s now become redundant when I write that this corner of the world, with stately, lush, soothing mountains; rich, red soil that beckons like a fine wine; abundant sun that gives way to a gentle, brief rains followed by rainbows large and close enough to touch, is beyond breathtaking. Living in Hawaii, if one can afford it, is waking up to heaven every day.
Even during a pandemic.
Even when my hair has begun to grow gray.
My hair has always been an asset. I’m lucky at this stage of the game I still have plenty of it.
When I was growing up gay as a teenager with oversized ears and a generous nose that dominated other parts of my face, my hair came to my rescue. My long, blond bangs softened many sharp and awkward angles. They sometimes ameliorated the daily, tear-drenched struggles with acne. They gave me a place to hide.
Decades later, I still have the bangs, but they are less golden than they once were.
Insecurity and low self-esteem have been companions most of my life. They made me turn in assignments early in high school and college, work longer hours than most of colleagues in different jobs, train constantly to become a better tennis player and now a runner who has completed 30 marathons. I overachieved.
Finally, in my 50s, all that has paid off. I have a gorgeous husband and daughter, confidence in my work and in my abilities as a lifelong poet, a beautiful home that in many countries could be a castle, and …. acceptance of myself.
Before the pandemic, I used to worry about the gray overtaking the now darker shades of blond on my head. I’d spray on organic lemon juice before a long training run, spend a little extra time in the sun.
COVID-19, though, has taught me to let go of feeling like I need to somehow maintain what I looked like five or ten years ago.
I’m lucky to have everything I have, first and foremost my family, health, a safe home, and a job I love.
Let the gray begin to reign!